Hearts So Heavy

Come closer
You need to hear something
Hypocrites stand all around
See it in their eyes – times are tough
When the pressure gets too rough
They get scared and start hiding
Wrapping their money up tight in arms
Others are left crying

Tired of the fake words we’re prayin’
Government sayin’ “they don’t know”
Forget it – they don’t care
They should walk in this pair
See if they can bear
No – they won’t dare
Tired of being their tool
Workin’ to put more water in their pool
When you can’t afford to eat
They’re marching to their own beat
Telling you it’s your duty
To work and make end’s meat
Takin’ the keys
Smiling all the way to the auction
When you can’t pay your mortgage;
The rich earned what they have
But what about you?

I catch myself watchin’
Men playin’ a game I love for millions
Love it so much I’d play for free;
On the news you hear about another spree
Yesterday a soldier died in vain
Tomorrow companies will beg for billions
Syndication keeps our eyes glued,
Government fighting over power
While people are being sued
And lose everything in an hour
The terminally ill can’t get help
But those who don’t need it qualify

The world is dark
Real heroes are left behind
Searching for a way to make it through another week
Scraping enough together to pay the heating bill
Is this week’s goal;
Yesterday he heard his cousin
Complain about being broke,
Drivin’ a BMW
At least he’s not a POW
Thankfulness has lost its meaning;
Yeah, I’m too nice –
I should’ve said something

To them everything’s a joke
I don’t hand out silver platters
I’ve heard the zipper of a body bag –
It plays with your mind
And helps you value what you have
It never goes away…..
Never goes away…..

With hearts so heavy
In a room so cold
Tears roll down to devour you.

Still Waiting

A broken heart aches inside
It makes you feel alone
They say it heals over time
But I’m left on the outside
Wishing I could belong
In this instant right now

I’m here still fighting,
You think everything is okay
I still have hope
But you have no idea

I gave up
Didn’t realize things were so bad
My heart’s still beating
It feels nothing inside
The numbness is so strong
There’s been little healing
But I’m still going –
Still holding a sliver of hope
Waiting for something good


Light in the tunnel got brighter
I was still confused
I did my best to keep it alive
It was like all the rest

In my mind I’m still wondering what went wrong –
Just not as much –
It’s still searching for a reason
Still searching for affection

I gave up
Didn’t realize things were so bad
My heart’s still beating
It feels nothing inside
The numbness is so strong
There’s been little healing
But I’m still going –
Still holding a sliver of hope
Waiting for something good


I’m waiting for another chance –
A new chance at what I need
I’m scared to try again

And I’m still fighting the pain
Because there’s nothing new
I don’t know where to go

And I’m still waiting on your promise
It says you’re with me –
You feel the pain too
But I can’t take much more


The tears on the ground
Left me torn apart
They’ve dried up now
But they still find a way out
When I feel so alone

Yeah, I gave up
I’m tired of the heartache
I’m tired of feeling alone
And I’m tired of being left out

My patience may have worn thin –
But I’m still hoping.

Crash & Burn

How do you live with yourself?
Do you have any idea
Of what you’ve done?

You’re plagued with lies,
Filled full of deceit……..
They fed my depression
And your rotten eyes
Said you were one of the elite
And began your regression

You should know……..
It’s time for you
To crash and burn
You’ve caused too much pain
And you think this is ok,
You have no idea
How much you hurt……..

I cried
When you lied
I even gave you my trust,
But it turned out to be a bust…….

I’ll never understand
Why you do the things you do,
I don’t think I could withstand
Speaking to you again

It’s time for you
To crash and burn
You’ve caused too much pain
And you think this is ok……..

The air you breathe
Poisons everyone……..
The thought of you
Makes me sick……..

I won’t accept an apology,
Your words burn me alive,
I’ll pray for everyone
You’re acquainted with

It’s time for you
To crash and burn
You’ve caused too much pain

Your day will come
To ask for forgiveness……..
But it won’t be mine.

Down, But Not Out

In my dreams I suffer,
Reliving things from the past
Because they were all so real
In them, I’m all alone

Wake up in a cold sweat
Realizing it’s all over
And my mind is just playing games
Refusing to let me forget who I am
So you want to know why I’m the way I am?

I’ve grown up suffering and watching
Its hard letting it go –
I can’t just forget my childhood
Every memory would be gone

I know it’s crazy, but it’s all
That’s left in my mind;
I don’t want you feeling sorry
Cause it makes no difference
But thanks for being so kind

A seratonal imbalance keeps me down
Only a few understand
Although I asked for help
I’ve told you why this is
I just try to withstand
Not pushing you away
Because I’m not at my best
Will you help me find a way?

I’ve grown up suffering and watching
Its hard letting it go –
I can’t just forget my childhood
Every memory would be gone

I know it’s crazy, but it’s all
That’s left in my mind;
I don’t want you feeling sorry
Cause it makes no difference
But thanks for being so kind

Sometimes I feel like I bring
Everyone else down;
Not finding a way out
I stood at the doorstep of suicide
But overcame knowing it’s
Not the right option
And I’m thankful I’m
Still in the right frame of mind

Remembering all I’ve overcome
And the pain I’ve hidden for so long,
I will continue on,
I will continue on.

The Mistake

Sometimes the sweetest things turn out wicked
And some of the best decisions turn out the worst;
I poured out my heart –
There’s nothing left;
And this was the best thing to ever happen to me,
Yet you turned it into one of the worst
Yeah, it was something so great hidden in disguise
But you overlooked it in your lies

Now I realize my mistake –
It was you,
And I’m your mistake

The soft words that flowed from your mouth
Led me down the wrong path;
The feeling I had was real,
You chose not to listen
And you failed to realize it

So welcome to loneliness
And seeing how it feels
You’re putting yourself in this carnage
Someday you’ll realize what you’ve done

Now I realize my mistake –
It was you,
And I’m your mistake

The spear you threw
Pierced right through my heart
And now I see that yours is really black –
An honest judgment after the fact,
I should’ve seen it from the start

Maybe I was desperate
Reaching somewhere I shouldn’t;
The scars you left unlocked old ones
Sending me back in time
To the depths of my mind terrorizing my soul

You’ll never know the amount of pain you imposed
Misleading and killing something so good
And you’ll never understand what you meant
Now I know what I meant to you –
And it was nothing.

Cold World

Times have changed,
Yet I feel the same I always did;
The blank ceiling reminds me
How my heart feels inside
And the scars just won’t heal

Every day I’m haunted by the past
And faced with the reality
Of what happened and
What could’ve been

Warm tears burn my eyes
Terrorizing my soul –
I try to help myself,
But it just gets worse

I reach out for help,
Yet those closest don’t respond
And I’m left questioning who my friends are

I search for a taste of true happiness
But only get stabbed in the heart –
I don’t even know why I try
And I listen to another lie
I pray every day for this to go away
And it never does,
I don’t know what to do;
The faith I had hangs by the last thread
And I walk this path full of dread

All this pain –
I can’t make it go away
I think I’m going insane
But tomorrow’s another day

It’ll be better in the morning
Until it hits me all over again
And I have to face the cold world.

Moving On

I haven’t had much to say;
Others’ words are a high price to pay
Changing isn’t all that hard
Fading memories of a haunted past
Are finally letting go
The pain is healing slow,
Finally it’s easier to live
Knowing that you’ll forgive

Now there’s a reason
To leave behind all the scars
There’s comfort in how
My mind‘s reopening and
The agony has held me back too long

Memories last forever;
Bad ones are all I have
This is the time where
I decide to let them go
And make new ones

Now’s the time to
Become who I’m going to be
Leaving behind all that’s happened
Fear has flowed through my veins
Keeping me away from where I’m supposed to be

A blackout of my younger life
Is what I need for moving on;
A time for making new friends
And strengthening the old ones
Will get me through this

It’s hard to understand
If you haven’t walked this path
Maybe you feel the same

Now there’s a reason
To leave behind all the scars;
The strange way things happen
Isn’t all that strange
And you only learn
What you really want to

Now’s the time to
Become who I’m going to be
Leaving behind all that’s happened
Is only the next step to moving on.

No Excuses

It seems it ends as it begins –
Given the gift of life, we fight
All that matters is if you’re rich or poor
So misguided
But few are satisfied either way

Not everyone lives in your perfect little world
It’s overpopulated and conjugated
For all the wrong reasons

Pay no attention
Never speaking,
Only looking within,
There’s nothing left to say

The loss of life doesn’t seem
To remind you of anything,
But it sure scares you

Your invitation isn’t accepted,
It’s not worth showing up to be rejected

To be done wrong is something
That sticks in your mind

Pay no attention
Never speaking,
Only looking within,
There’s nothing left to say

So calm,
Never stumbling over heartless words;
You’re so quick to vanish

So tell me how
To be just like you,
On second thought,
I think I’m happier now

You’re a prescription for creating sorrow,
So addicted to the green,
You can’t live without it.

You Never Change

Every time you walk through the door
The room gets so cold;
Your phony handshake and fake “hello”
I can’t take any more

Your pride hovers over you like a dark cloud
Dropping black raindrops all over me;
Your sense of greed is so strong –
It makes you want others to bleed

It’s so hard to believe
We share the same blood

You alienate yourself from
The ones you claim to love

You’re so fake -
I don’t even know you

Tension in the air is so thick
It’s so suffocating
You speak your condescending words
It makes me so sick

My greatest memory of you
Was when I asked how we’d survive
And you said “it’s not my problem”

Those words still go right through me
Making me so bitter
And I can’t understand
All your subtle remarks

It’s so hard to believe
We share the same blood

You alienate yourself from
The ones you claim to love

You speak as if your superior
And run off with your cult
I feel so ignored;
Your shrewd actions
Speak louder than your words

I keep thinking you’ll change
You just stay the same.

Letting Go

I watch the orange flame burn
Grey ashes blow away
Pictures from the past
Earn their worth
Old wounds are re-opened
And the fight still rages inside

Now I’m letting go…..
I’m letting go of all these things
That cause so much pain

When this fire burns out
The darkness in the sky
Will bring a brand new start
And the rest is what I need

Stories and jokes make them laugh
I’m too numb to follow along
Old memories haunt my mind
They don’t know what’s going on inside

Sometimes fun isn’t really fun
Because I’m trapped in the past
Just can’t adapt to something normal

Now I’m letting go…..
I’m letting go of all these things
That cause so much pain

I’ve tried too many times
To put out this fire
That needs to burn itself out

I’m letting it go.

Silent Lie

Go do what you want
Be sure to get your dollar’s worth
I’ll make sure I’m not around
To waste my time this round

Search for the treasure you want
There’s nothing inside
Misled yourself once again

Your silence tells your lies
This will be the last one I take
Thought you were better than this

You treaded on my heart
Played your little game
You don’t know I’ve figured you out
You probably don’t even care

Your heart‘s so cold
I’m surprised it even beats

I thought you’d changed your ways
But you just fooled me again
You’re the one who plays
For only your own gain

Guess I’ll forgive you
And pray that you’ll change your ways
You claim you do things right
You’re just so naïve

You treaded on my heart
Played your little game…..

Your heart’s so cold
I’m surprised it even beats

I’ve forgiven you,
I still hate what you’ve done
Your lies could win a trial

You make yourself sound perfect
It makes me so sick
Your silence tells your lies

Only the truth in the beginning
Could’ve made this better
But your silent lie
Tells more lies

Last Goodbye

Conversations with you
Continue in my mind…..
Sometimes I think I’m just too kind,
But that was only you

I still hear your words,
Echoing in my head,
The same words that help
Make me humble today

We shared the same tears,
I know what they’re worth,
Now that you’re gone

So if you’re watching
Fill me with the words
That you would say…..

I can’t see you,
But I feel you…..

Faint memories reveal your words
And they encourage me

I’ve been my own worst critic…..
You helped me realize
That I was all wrong

I can’t make it all right,
But I can do what’s best

The words you left behind
Make more sense every day
And this mountain I’ve climbed
Doesn’t relieve the pain in any way

I can’t see you,
But I feel you…..

I still see you mumbling
“I love you” for the very last time
And I walked out the door
Knowing it would be the last time
And there was nothing I could do

You inspire me to be strong
To just make it through,
It’s all I have…..


In this last goodbye,
I still feel your cold hard hand,
See your peaceful smile and gray hair,
I cry the same warm tears,
And I remember who I am.

In Heaven

The older I get
The wiser I’ve got
But I can never let it go
It’s just too much to give up

But for millions
I’d give it away
And never look back
I’m not the only one;
I know I’m not the only one

Days and nights fly by,
Not enough time
But a pile of faint memories
Still grow in the back of my mind;
They grow in back of my mind
To remind of the miles you never got to travel

Into heaven, you’ve made your way
Back on this world, I’ll finish my life
To join you one day soon;
But the writing on the walls
Tells the story all over

In your wheelchair,
The dust collects,
Each fiber covers a piece
Of the miserable fight
That was lost
And I continue to grieve

In heaven, we’ll meet again
And I won’t even care why
It happened the way it did;
Your hair in the brick,
Blood on the floor,
Screams at the top of the lungs

In heaven, I won’t
Hear the wheezing in your throat;
The depression is defeated,
And only you know when
I’ll see you again.

Your Love

Thanks for all you’ve done,
I see you every day,
Even when I’m away,

You guide be constantly,
And I’ll always see your beautiful face,
Every single day.

When I come home,
I know I’ll see you there,
Smiling back at me,
Even when things aren’t quite right.

I’m so thankful,
That you’re a part of me,
Because you’re such a wonderful person.

And when I feel like I can’t make it,
You always find a way
To strengthen me
With your beautiful words.

In this I gather strength,
To make it through.

You always understand my pain,
And your love makes it go away.

And you’ve stretched yourself
Beyond your means,
To help us get by,
And for this I am grateful.

You’ve been both parents,
And guided us through much disarray,
Even when you were weak.

But you always find a way
To make it through,
The worst times.

And you were always there,
When I felt lost and helpless,
Drowning me with your sweet love.













We’ve seen each other through
The most difficult times,
For this I am thankful
Because I am a stronger person.

Yet your words fulfill me
In a world that doesn’t share.

Your life tells the story of your pain,
This helps me make it through,
Because I know I have your strength.

So thank you for your love,
And all of the sweet things you do.

This life would never be the same,
Without you here.

Still, you always survive
The biggest storms of life
That never go away.

And now I understand your pain,
Through your frustration,
Because you care so much.

So thank you for all you’ve done,
For being a part of me,
And for all your inspiring love.

This life would never be the same,
Without your love,
Without you here.

Nightmare

Do you wake up
To see red eyes glaring in the dark?
This might be just what you need
Do these hocus pocus games
Leave you trapped in a whirlwind of lies?
Fragmented thoughts draw me away
Am I going to be left behind one more time?
No
As I fall victim to the pressure once again
I’ll make one last stand
Do you understand?
As I fight this fight
For one last night
I’m falling down this slippery slope once again
With no end in sight
One more bad decision
Could cost everything
There’s a thin line between heaven and hell
Can I be sure I’ve crossed the right one?
Yeah
Please tell me It’s going to be ok
I know forgiveness persists
I don’t deserve this
Will God save me?
Yes
Have you seen the other side?
I know I’ll be there
Despite all of this
The dirty sack of red tricks
Have infected my brain
Is there a cure?
Yes
I’ve made one last stand
Do you understand?
I’ve fought this fight
One more night
I’ve been bottled up in these lies
For too long
I have a feeling that I’m not alone
Could this be the root
Of all the problems?
Will the day ever come
When I don’t have to deal
With this any more?
Please show me what it’s like
To live in peace
And not have to be caught up
In these vicious cycles
There’s a thin line between heaven and hell
I’ve crossed the right one tonight.

Forgive Me

I try to recall memories of you
So they don’t go to waste;
They flash through my head,
Fade away like a cloud of smoke,
Making me think of how
Things could’ve been,
Manufacturing images of
How you’d look if you were still here.

There’s a heavy pounding in my head
Making my heart skip beats,
In my heart,
A piece of you still lives,
A taste of fortitude, I hope you have,
And I won’t get to tell you that I love you
While I’m on this earth,
Will you be happy to see me again?


Forgive me now,
Forgive me for the times
I couldn’t be there for you.

Forgive me now,
So this won’t hurt me any more.


I made it through after five long years,
It’s one goal you set for me,
The disease that stole your life
Will no longer keep us apart,
I want to thank you for doing
The things you did,
To get us through.

You never gave up
After suffering for five long years,
Your strong courage,
Is one thing you left behind,
I think it’s one thing you gave me.


Forgive me now,
Forgive me for all those times
I couldn’t say, “I love you.”

Forgive me now,
Because you know,
I’d be there if I could.


While you fought for your life,
I was stuck growing up
Wanting to give up my own life,
But you wanted me to do my very best,
You expected me to make the right choices,
So I’ve done these things,
You must know this,
So I know that you live on in peace.


Forgive me now,
Forgive me for the things I never
Got to do for you.

Forgive me for this,
You know how much it means to me.


With warm tears in her eyes,
She said she loved you,
Grasping your cold hand
To say goodbye one last time.
I promised that I would move on
And keep the family strong.
Then your eyes opened,
For the very last time,
Looking up at us as if to say,
“I love you.”


Forgive me now,
Forgive me for having
To leave so soon.